Diary of a man.....
1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I'm unable to remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: It's nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"; unless they are used together.
6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity; it's a lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under.
14. A newly married couple were happy with the "whole thing". He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing!
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch
sleeps with everyone except you.
17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
19. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!!!
1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I'm unable to remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: It's nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"; unless they are used together.
6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity; it's a lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under.
14. A newly married couple were happy with the "whole thing". He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing!
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch
sleeps with everyone except you.
17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
19. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!!!
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