How are you? ... really ??? Hu-Ha

Being realistic...People asking me how I am, really. I mean mostly people just say, "How are you?" and social skills training has taught me over the years that they are pretty much only emotionally prepared to hear the response, "Fine."

Yesterday evening my cousin called me up to ask if I had been feeling sad all day. I was taken aback and surprised with her question. "Why do you ask?" She had read through the language of my e-mail and MSN replies to her during the day and thought that perhaps something was not right with me. We chatted for a while bout our lives and when I hung up the phone I realized I has a darling cousin who is grateful caring enough to find out without jumping the gun.

Ironically I had just written a blog earlier bout asking frens not to make assumption on what was going in my life then immediately start offering solutions. If she would have called up and said, "So how are you?" I most probably would have replied, "Oh, just fine, thanks, and you?" Instead, I was able to tell her that I was sad because of a confidential family matter, thoughts that perhaps the disease was still niggling at me, anxiety about the job, and frustration that sometimes are not turning out the way they should, frens and enemies are not what they seem and one and on and on .....

She listened. She is so good at that. I also realised I been listening so long to other helping them out, I never had the chance to speak and help my self out!!! I asked T this morning what she thought if a fren contacting her after a long time with an e-mail sounding: “So how are you really?” T's reply was to blink!!! Mental Note : I have not sent any email like that out yet lol

For me, I would love it (and do) if a friend would add "really" to the asking of how I am. You see, I don't believe anyone (not all la take it easy) is at all interested in me (my purview and I have my reasons). I aint a sint either, I have my flaws and preferences. My cousin knows this about me. Once when I stayed overnight with her and her family she came to me when I was sitting in the swing saying "I juz wish you dun try and make yourself invisible like this. Come out and be join us."

I have come out but I still choose who I should tell, what, because I have stopped being an open book, why should I?

"I would feel warm and safe inside, overwhelmed with gratitude that they took the trouble and time to notice me and care enough to want to know, I would smile wide and deep, and tell them all they wanted to know about me." A lovely qoute. That my cousin