I feel lousy

After last night, it feels as if I’ve momentarily wiped all the economic and sociological perspectives from my mind for a while. I know that for me and for a lot of other folks, this is pretty common practice; one gets so wrapped up in a perspective that putting it on the back-brain to bubble…it hurts as you reflect….and boy it hurts

I am the kind of person that gives 101%

With having my sinus back it hit me hard during dinner after the whole days event and the rain and all…with all I am going thru and weight I am carrying…..I am surprised I am not having a heart attack lol….I met so many people since my exit from hockey last night…and with all that I been going thru this was just another weight.

I sat alone on my table…as I was part of the organizing committee and other frens and well wishes were at pre designated tables. I was never able to address or speak to anyone bout my leave from hockey… did not have someone to talk to…I thought I did but it seem they were not about listening but commenting ..I wanted a ear or a shoulder …I got none…I am not bitching..just expressing… it difficult to find closure with the rage I have within.. Juz wear a mask and move on…push it far far back…

I was overwhelmed when they walked up to me and gave huggs and shook my hands patted my back…people who I look up to, respected…called brother all walk by offering encouragement.. the straw that broke the camel’s back… when a brother came up to me and hugged me from behind…..I had not see him for along time…he is not famous TV3 reporter… it was great to see him…. He pulled me aside and gave me all sorts of encouragement…what did I do…wear a mask and smile.. Thanks Karam and I love you bro.

Well now I feel lousy too, because it’s like, I know everybody else has problems right? Like, there are ppl in Africa with no food and AIDS. There are ppl in Iraq getting bombed in the streets. And I don’t have to worry about it. But, to me, all this seems like a big deal. I guess nobody’s life is perfect. But today, man. It sucked. Majorly topping off the bad weekend I have had in a long time. Thus this positing…seem to be my current channel of expression…Which is probably better for….....damm I need to sleep