SURVIVING!!!!

The breakup of an important love relationship or best buddy/fren is the most traumatic of human experiences and we have all suffered through at least one I am sure.Tell me who hasnt... In many ways we can more easily cope with the death of a loved one. Although we don't understand death, at least we understand its finality.

With the breakup of a relationship, days and weeks of lingering and haunting "ifs" often follow. The pain can penetrate every fiber of our being. In the days following the breakup we think of little else than the one we loved and trusted, the one we had so much invested in. Everywhere we go we are reminded of them--a face in a crowd, the flash of a familiar shirt, a distant voice, a song. In an effort to get away from things we may take a trip, only to find that in some way it reminds us of a special place we visited with our loved one. We struggle daily to force them from our thoughts only to find we are spending all of our time doing so.

There are thousands of "ifs," "possibly's" and "maybes." If you did something in a weak moment to cause the breakup, you may then be left with the extra pain and burden of remorse and guilt piled on top of the pain of separation. And then there are your well-meaning friends with their misguided efforts at trying to cheer you up by saying you are better off without them. (no offence)

While I was struggling with the pains of separation I envy those "swinging singles" who seem to have an "easy come, easy go" attitude about relationships. It came as some consolation to know that I am fortunate in having the ability to feel both the love (and pain) of separation. (you also wish at somepoint you can be like them)hehe

Even so, the pain of separation hurts, and it hurts very badly. (hu-ha) Witness the endless parade of heartbreak songs that have been published, review the writings of poets and novelists over the centuries or look at the popularity of psychic advice lines. Your experience has been shared by millions who have preceded you, and your hurt will be experienced by millions more who will follow. (as they say life goes on laaaaaa)

Some in anger say, "I will never allow it to happen again." That's just another way of saying, "I will never love again." It will happen trust me...Shutting yourself off from the possibility of love over a long period of time stagnates your life, and it may even eventually send you into a slow, spiraling descent of general withdrawal and despair. I took long walks; just wandered around aimlessly got sloshed, lost my head, behaved like a jerk... I started doing my work like some sort of robot.... I figured if I could just survive a couple weeks, maybe until the end of the next century, the hurt would start to go away. It got to be my goal just to get through each day.Although each of our experiences is different, each shares the common element of self-doubt, pain, disappointment and despair.

Are there ways to speed the healing; ease the pain? There is no one best way to cope with the breakup of a relationship. Each of us is different. Some people find that it helps to lose themselves in the company of friends. Some don't want to be around people. Some people find it helps to get away to an entirely different set of conditions. Some immediately try to look for a new love interest. Most who try this find that until they get over a previous love, a successful new relationship is impossible. (and they call it closure)

One thing I have learned is that, distractions can help you deal with your feelings in tolerable stages. A distraction may be the company of friends, a long trip (if you have that luxury), or the launching of major and maybe physically-demanding, spare-time project (if you can force yourself into one).