Wednesday, February 28, 2007


After this morning sms bout remembering dates, I was shaken when a call came in the afternoon.

My uncle had cancer. This is a person I am close to. Very close I was shocked shaken blur and every kind of emotion.

I thought I could use some company but then I looked around the people in my lives I realized I did not want them because they dun know me therefore they would not understand. Thjey were not important enough to share it with. The only person I shared it with was Jen when he sms me that he was in Pudu and wanted to meet up

I left work early and sat in Titiwangsa, I called my cousin on the phone and the tears just dropped. I sat by the lake till about 9+ and then moved on home. As I write this I still believe in my stand and my life no matter what people choose to say.

Is it a wake up call? Dun know heck life as we know it could end for me tomorrow. I am not being dramatic but realistic.

In a month I meet all my friends again. Right now I need the strength to accept my uncle.

Thing like this always makes u look in prespective


As the day started I ignored a sms which in my opinion was berating. As right as she was for not remembering her birthday there were point in the sms sent that was uncalled for. I let if go coz it was not worth to fight back I just wish Happy Belated Birthday and carried on. I know I was wrong not to remember the birthday but does not mean the value of the friendship I have for her despite all that has happen was undervalued or disgraced.

It went a level further ( and this was not nice) highlighting that I could remember birthdays of insignificant people in my lives not and people who I have moved away from and not hers.

If the value of what I have for her as a friend is only to be judged by this then I would have failed. To me its not. To her, thats her choice not mine. We all judge and make decision in our lives based on scenerios and events. I say this to her "Sorry for not remembering your birthday and leave it at that, do not related other issues to it."

On a lighter note ... It's nothing personal-Just the way our Minds work!(Personally-I do DO DATES!!) It's a male thing! Men don't do dates,just like women cant read maps!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Feeling the words and the music


James Taylor - Fire and Rain Version 1

James Taylor - Fire and Rain Version 2

words at time mean a lot and saying goodbye may not be necessary

A great article that moved me - Raja Petra Kamarudin

I often read his articles and I came across this one, it moved me so much coz there is a lot I can relate to in this. With his permission;

Sure, no problem.

On 2/23/07, nesan wrote:
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Raja Petra Kamarudin
Editor, Malaysia Today

23/02: The Long Walk With Bah (part 1)

Category: General
Posted by: Raja Petra

The year was 1978.

I was instructed by my mum to stop at Dada’s house after school. I did just that. After school, Pak Cik Wan, the van owner dropped me at my grandpa’s place. It was a huge surprise to see my dad there waiting for me.

Since I was not close to him, we skip any of the hugging and kissing and acknowledged each other by merely a simple greeting. My Bah gave his special greeting to me, “Hi Jiggedee jiggedee boy, how are you?” I had no special greeting or words for him, although I could still remember the Hairy Caterpillar song we used to sing together in Saigon many years before.

Bah asked me if I am not tired, he would love to walk with me to my mum’s house. No problem for me, the problem is only the distance, which is about seven kilometers away. Nevertheless, I agreed.

A few years back, while in a sauna with two fellow producers in Hadyai, I related this long walk to them. I told them, how I am proud of that moment. It was the only time I could spend an hour alone with my dad. I never had the chance to be with him as long as that before, and I never had the chance to do it again later in life.

Nothing special about the walk. There is no such thing as holding hands or what so ever. We were merely like two strangers walking towards the same destination. He asked few question about school, I gave him the simplest answers I managed to come up with. Lots of silence in between, as he tried to think of other questions. He never got used to me. I never got used to him.

Nevertheless, deep inside, he knows I missed him, while I know he loves me. Thats about it.

Looking back, it should qualify to be the most boring walked in my entire life. But then, it was our only chance. Honestly, we, and I mean both of us, screwed that moment pretty well. We did it fantastically.

I told my buddy producers, the reason I remember that day was because I knew I am going to lose him soon. I knew at that moment, his cancer is spreading fast. I knew that there would not be another raya with him and there would not be another chance for me to ask forgiveness from him.

The climax of the hour-long walk was when we walked pass the houses in Lorong Pak Dir, where it is about fifty meters from my mum’s place. Everybody stood still and stared at the six-foot-two-inch-man with a stout Arab built. I knew that all eyes were on him. It was total silent. Slowly, I squeeze my small palm gently into his. He looked at me and he gently grabbed my hand.

For once, I felt that I actually have a father and my father is walking hand in hand with me.

The next day, I skipped school and he took me to buy my first football boots. After that, I never saw him again until I am at secondary school.After he left, my mother told me the reason my dad came to visit.

He wanted to tell my mum that he is going to get married, again.

I felt betrayed. I swore I washed my hand over and over. I felt terrible. I felt so embarrassed. I threw those boots away. All hope of my mum and dad back together are now gone forever.

In school when my BM teacher asked the whole class to write a short story about our father, I wrote in my opening, “Ayah saya hidup mewah di tengah-tengah kesibukan kota Kuala Lumpur. Itu sahaja yang saya tahu tentang ayah saya”. That was how disappointed I was.

However, that was not true.

As I grew older and managed to put the time line together, I began to know the truth. After he left the army, my father faced a very tough time adapting to civilians life. He hopped from one job to the another and most of the time he is out of job. My step-mum had to finance their life.

At the same time, my mum had to “visit” one pawnshop after another to pay for our expenses.

That was what we had to undergo.One day, my father was admitted to SJMC for a heart attack. After, his condition was stable, we transferred him to IJN to be in the good care of my football buddy, Dr. Sanjiv Joshi. After his third day at IJN, I received a call from Dr. Sanjiv, requesting me to meet him that morning. He suspected something cynical on my father’s lung. He asked me to persuade my father to do certain procedures at nearby hospital, which Dr. Sanjiv kindly arranged.

That night, Sanjiv gave us the bad news. On my way driving home, I clearly remembered how I wind down the window and threw my half-full box of Marlboro and never smoke again, until recently.

For the next two years, my step-mum took a really good care of my dad. I knew if my mum was in that position, she will not have the energy like my step-mum. My dad was a lucky man.

One night, I received a call from my step-mum asking me to drop by the house as soon as I could. She sounds so calm. I took my own sweet time. Once I arrived, I saw my dad coming up from the toilet, buckled his belt. Comb his hair. Wear his socks properly and slide in his shiny black leather shoe. I ask my step-mum where is he going and her reply was, my dad had difficulty in breathing and I need to drive him to SJMC. I was shocked.

Once in the car, he suddenly had difficulty to breathe and kept pulling my driver’s seat. All hell broke lose and I practically “fly” my car all the way to the hospital.

When we reach in front of the emergency room entrance, I dived out of the car. However, my dad still manage to walk out by himself but he signal the nurse for oxygen tank.

Subsequently, they attended to him and we waited.Twenty minutes later, the MO who attended to him came and said, “I am sorry, I think he will not make it this time”.

“What do you mean doc, twenty minutes ago he still manage to jump out of the car…”, “Sorry sir, but his turning blue, you better be by his side”.We went inside.

I could hardly recognised him. His lip was dark blue. His eyes looked wild. My step-mum kept reciting prayers for him. Then, my lawyer sister arrived at the scene. She was so distressed and practically wanted to sue almost everybody there until the specialist arrived.

This is what the specialist had to say, “You only have two choices, I can ventilate him but no guarantee whether he can tolerate it or not. Or we can let nature takes it course. However, if you choose to ventilate him, you might want to ask yourself, why you want to do it? He is suffering from cancer; you know how serious it is”.

Since I was his only son there, he looked at me and said, “You have five minutes…” As they pushed my dad to the ICU, I stopped my step-mum and ask her to make the decision. I told her, the decision is entirely hers.

Without much hesitation, she decided now and then. Ventilate him.

I do not know how it is being done, but as we waited anxiously outside the ICU, we can hear the Specialist screaming inside the room. Screaming and yelling only stopped after forty-five minutes; he came out and said, it is done. We have to wait and see. We hope he would survive at least until my sister arrived back from UK.

36-hours later, they started the weaning process. As we bring our mum in to see him, he asked for a pen and paper. He wrote this, “Please forgive me for all those years”.

That was the only time I could not hold back my tears. I tried to remained calm and be the pillar of strenght to all my sisters. Nevertheless, I felt so sad at that moment and couldn’t hold back to cry shamelessly.

By midnight, Dr. Sanjiv Joshi from IJN dropped by. My father managed to give him a salute and wrote a thank you note. After three days, they removed the ventilator and soon he was transferred the high-dependency unit.

However, that evening, his heart stops pumping. The doctor resuscitated him and a massive stroke followed suit.Nevertheless, Bah never gave up. I saw him kicking his legs and struggling until they had to strap him. They tried to do MRI but because of his situation, it fails. One of the specialists told us, he suspected my father suffered from brain-stem stroke. Which is fatal. He reminded us of what happened to the late Japanese Prime Minister.

We made the decision to stop all procedures.

He had suffered enough. If it is time for him to go, we shall not stop him anymore.

Beer or women? A man's dilemma

Good fun!!!!!

1. A beer is always wet, a woman isn't.
1 point for beer!

2. Beer is horrible when it is hot.
1 point for women!

3. A cold beer satisfies you.
1 point for beer!

4. If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you. If
you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for sure and she might even not talk to you again.
Draw! (it depends on your point of view...)

5. 10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night and
you don't have to drive anywhere!
1 point for women!

6. The older beer is, the better.
1 point for beer!

7. Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God!
1 point for women!

8. If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you're normal. If you
ask yourself how the next beer will be, you're alcoholic.
1 point for women!

9. Removing the sticker off a beer is fun, but removing women's underwear
is funnier!
1 point for women!

10. For a beer you pay taxes.
1 point for women!

11. If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry.
1 point for beer!

12. You can always be sure that you're the first one "opening" a beer.
1 point for beer!

13. If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself.
1 point for beer!

14. You know exactly how much a beer costs.
1 point for beer!

15. A beer doesn't have a mother.
1 point for beer!

16. You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half
an hour after.
1 point for beer!

FINAL SCORE: Beer beats women. (9 to 6)

If you're a woman and are getting angry, think that a beer wouldn't.
Another point for beer! Final score: 10 to 6.

An email I got

FV dropped an email to me, its a damm good article and I asked her premission to put it in my blog.

Its prudent to understand this is a reading to realise then advise on breaking up. To each is his own and please do not take it personally. Its a damm good article to read and got a few good point. Enjoy. A glass can be half full and yet it can be half empty

To all those who are coping

Things WILL get better.

"I've been on this site for almost four months now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You gain weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling,cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, pay your money because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Dun try to match make

The problem with some people today is the conscious and visible effort to match some people. Me ? I just intro the 2 ppl and let nature takes its course.

Just like what I did to my cousin and a girl I know over an semi innocent meeting.

C la what happens

Have a lovely Monday everyone

Something to make u smile.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

You got to try this

Nothing malicious

It a cute survey and you get a score

Nothing else to do on a Friday night

The planned karaoke session did not take place so after meeting my boss at Mandrin Oriental and my cousin not showing up, I decided to go watch a movie, I ended up watching two movies alone.

Rocky Balboa was a god one but Ghost Rider sucked and would have bombed out if not for the CGI. Its still a corny movie. There were moments in the origin story at the beginning that I thought came off a little cheesy (although most of them pay off later) and I thought the movie could have benefited a little bit from a bigger climax. The climax features a lot of really cool stuff, but I was expecting a more intense fight between the lead rivals...not worth watching

Having grown up watching the Rocky series this was a breath of fresh air and nostalgic. This was the best ever. I was impressed with it, in fact the storyline is something we will all appreciate. I found the two speeches Rocky gives in the movie, that gave me chills. One was to the commission, when he tries to get his boxing license, and the other to his son. I went through every emotion imaginable while watching it. There are some very humorous parts in the movie, there are some sad parts of the movie. However, the message of the film is moving. This particular "Rocky" movie focuses on Rocky's life after boxing. It really develops his character in ways that the other movies have not

Here are the quotes

Rocky Balboa: It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!

Rocky Balboa: Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Jnr Vadai and his bicycle

He asked for a bike and got him one... I still remember my 1st ride

A 3some dinner and ice breaking

A 2 some dinner became 3 some when I arrive a bit to early,,,,, nah they did not mine,, the food was good for 2 people ended up 3 of us makan it....

The wine was good expecially it was free... damm I gonna owe him big time.. the company was good... we adjourned to waikiki joined by another new fren... I invited a fren but got decline... It was wine all night and it was fun...

Later on my cousin joined and started tacking the girl lol she had a wierd ring on

Go figure

Shopping with Jnr Vadai

Was kind fo bored at home so took Jnr vadai jalan jalan went to midvalley and sunway piramid

Heck almost tried ice skating..

Must remember to get more cash lol the fella loves aunty anne and so do it... so fascinating to watch him watching things... see the last pic

Wedding Dinner

All the cousins get together to get the wedding dinner underway, from arranging the chairs to helping the decoration, even jnr vadai was in the thick of action.

Yours truly as in charge of the bar and then uncles even danced.... and one of my darling cousins looked lovely in a white sari....

Friday, February 23, 2007

Transient Ischemic attack (TIA)

A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is caused by a temporary state of reduced blood flow in a portion of the brain. This is most frequently caused by tiny blood clots that temporarily occlude a portion of the brain. A primary blood supply to the brain is through two arteries in the neck (the carotid arteries) that branch off within the brain to multiple arteries that supply specific areas of the brain. During a TIA, the temporary disturbance of blood supply to an area of the brain results in a sudden, brief decrease in brain function.

Kops Win!!!!


That matters

When they said it could not be done we have done it. Beating the mighty Barcelona.

When the draw was done a while back I commented to Jen if ever on a day to beat Barcelone then Kops would be the team and with a nightmare build up to the game (golfer in action)

Dare we dream of Instanbul again???

I was offer to watch it at a fren's place that night since I do not have Astro, I turn her invite down, I thought I swing by Com's place or watch wiht Scuddie (who I have not met in a long time) and and while reading the papers I saw that TV3, 9TV, 8TV, NTV7 t were showing all the matches LIVE!!!!

So no need to go anywhere... watch at home la

"Rafael Benitez's nightmare lead up to Liverpool taking on Barcelona in their Champions League last 16 first leg clash turned into a fairytale on Wednesday as they celebrated a famous 2-1 victory over the Champions League holders.

Indeed having promised that any player found guilty of bad behaviour at last week's training camp in Portugal would be punished it was the two at the centre of the storm Craig Bellamy and John Arne Riise - who allegedly was beaten with a golf club by Bellamy - who answered in the best possible fashion as they scored the goals."

Its time for singing

I got invited for karaoke surprisingly by my Port Klang fren... so tonight we sing, we celebrate the life of big bro and I wonder if she will end up serenading to me kakakaka very wishful thinking

Nah.. just a few good fren and family getting together at the Curve... been a long time since actually sang lol.

Ditched my bachelor plans for tonight and join them

Jnr Vadai and Darthvadai

Subbie Look!!!!

Me and Jnr Vadai landed in Pudu for this famous place. Yum Yum


Something I was introduced to before the holidays by one of my kaki

Cute fella aint he

Words are never enough

Meet Cheeky Gordan

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Me and my hockey

Past 2 week I have been stepping onto the turf to play Hockey, yeah playing it. Mind you I was an above average player representing my district, state and national till the age groups level. In 89 after the Juniors tryout and camp training my knee gave way as i took a hit on it.

I picked up Umpiring till becoming an International Umpire then I walked away. Today I am a social hockey player. These are my amongst my new group of people that I socialize with

Back to the present. So not holding a hockey stick to close to 2 years I stepped into the field to play social hockey with guy younger and older then me some even ex-national players. Its fun, a good way for me to work of my stress and build my fitness.

Any sport I player I first play with my heart, I always tell my team you got no heart dun play. When you have heart you inspire people, and I love to inspire people. In a game like hockey you got to make the game and build the game.

Fact is I scored 3 goals and screaming in joy after each one I score ... heck I was the top scorer of that match

1st goal playing attacking midfielder build form my half to the winger transfer the play then made a lovely pass across the circle sending the defense scurrying to cover into the circle, I move to the penalty spot as my winger worked the ball in I scream for the pass , he squared it to me and i slammed it home

@nd was the goal of the match... I switched into the left win... running and moving (yeah actually running), we moved the ball a lot .. I got the ball on the 25... relay a transfer to the center who transfer to the right... i ran into the corner left of the circle pulling the defender with me but my forward did no come in... i call for ball running back to the center of the circle as i call for the pass the right half slammed the ball a cross into the circle i ran to meet the ball form the left as the defender chasing me and the keeper coming out to cover on the run i lunge forward connecting the ball with my stick slamming the ball grounder sounding the board .. I was lying on the turf screaming for joy at my goal and got squashed by my team mates

#rd goal was simple playing center forward the winger worked the ball down the line one defender with me the keeper came out to cover... i ran in as the defender in front of mt then pull back the defender not realizing i back to open space the winger squared the ball and i had a nice reverse back stick floating the ball into the goal

HU HA arms in the air hugged by alll Vadai rocks!!!

It was an enjoyable game and body aches all over....Now If I could only last that long in sex hahaha

Crossing the Rubicon

Its funny coz not so long ago I blogged about this very topic.

I had a superb 6 days away, time ot regroup, think laugh felt pain joy tear scare... all to be blogged....

I felt I had to write bout this.

In its metaphorical sense, passing the point of no return can be used synonymously with crossing the Rubicon — taking a course of action with significant and irreversible consequences.

The use of crossing the Rubicon derives from the crossing of the river Rubicon by Julius Caesar in 49 BC, who thereby violated Roman law and rendered armed conflict inevitable. As Caesar said at the time: "alea iacta est" ("the die is cast").

Many a time we are faced with such a predicament, I choose the word predicament because at time it can be for no fault of our own. I look in the mirror and I can see my life riddled with predicaments. Hard choices we had to make. The most difficult were one made on the spur of the moment, when you back is to the way. The fuse is lit and there is no turning back.

Its never easy, and in the end there is never a win-win solution, in life sometimes we have to lose. I look back to learn not to wish it was different. There are times in your life the choices you make affect others, and the choices others make affect you. Like it or you have to pick your self up and move forward and sometimes alone.

I am where I am because somewhere, at some point in time decision, choices made lead me to where I am now. I could wish for the world but I am a realist, in a few short weeks I turn a year older. I fight the fight thats need to be fought, win the battles I need to win, I still smile, I still laugh, I still cry and I still hurt but isnt that what being human is.

I am still alive and moving on

Tony D'Amato: On any given Sunday you're gonna win or you're gonna lose. The point is - can you win or lose like a man?

for a friend

Tony D'Amato: That's what a leader's about: sacrifice. The times he's gotta sacrifice because he's gotta lead, by example. Not by fear and not by self-pity.

Time of Crisis, depend on who u can depend only

The phrase swept off their feet is common especially in trauma situation

Being jolted out of bed with the handphone ringint o find my cousing calling me "Annai come quick something wrong with papa" are not words one like to hear. I sat up in bed as she repeated the same line. My reply "Ok I am coming" Got my ex to come in to take of Jnr who was sleeping with me. Jumping into my shorts, grabbing my mobiles ran out of the house. I did not tell anyone inthe house because not point in alarming them ( I did get a tongue lashing for that), at a point of crisis everyone is on a need to know basis that my philosophy.

I could not find my slippers but I knew my jogging shoes were in the car... ran to the car barefooted, my mind already thinking of contingency plans and who I should call as a backup. Driving as hard as I could, checked him into emergency, kept the son posted on the progress (driving from seremban), kept my aunt and cousin in one piece and work thru the waves.

It helps when you know someone in the General Hospitals, things flow smoothly. Remember that. My uncle had a TIA (another blog) and with such a traumatic event like this happening after a few days after the wedding dinner gave everyone concern a traumatic.

When the family got together after all tongue lash me for not telling them, I kept quiet for a while, taking a lot of shit, then in a respectful manner put it across to them

In a point of medical emergency, you need calm collected people to get thing moving, you people who can run, organize and get thing done. You cant have a bus load of 15 people following one sick man into the hospital, you can over whelm the poor guy by visiting. At a point of crisis the only important people are the immediate family the wife the daughter and the son. Only much later the rest were informed. Granted I am not a doctor but I can deliver when needed. My cousin need me to help her at a point of crisis and that that matters. After my explanation I got 2 apologies and 3 sheepishly looking elders

Traumatic experiences likes this puts things in prespective.... "People are usually surprised at how much a crisis or trauma affects them. It frequently changes the way they think, their values, habits, feelings and behaviour. It influences most aspects of their life. Usually people do not expect their families to be affected as much as they are. But a major event or crisis in the life of one member always influences their family. Although it is made up of individuals, a family is a unit. What changes one member, changes the others. But this also means there is much that family members can do to help someone who is affected by trauma.

A crisis or trauma can also bring benefits to a family in the form of greater understanding, closeness or a new appreciation of each other. It can help to focus on what is most important in life. But sometimes it can bring difficulties or misunderstanding, especially if family members do not understand why they are reacting the way they are nor why they are having to adapt to each other in new ways. Often it may not be clear how the feelings and even bodily reactions are connected with what has happened, especially some time after the event. The time it takes to recover from trauma is always underestimated.

Most families can get over these problems when they begin to understand why they are occurring and accept that it will take time. "

Back to blogging / Eulogy

After a 1 week break, holiday, funeral service, CNY, Hospital scare and lots more happenings I am back to blogging.

My break was a worthy break no internet no emails no sms (well almost, I was not allowed to break free of that and sometimes feel like shuting the damm phone off but I cant and I explain why later)

I was on a 1 week holiday and it started of with the 31st day ceremony prayers, for him I have these words to say

What we say today is only an inadequate expression of what we carry in our hearts. Words pale in the shadow of grief; they seem insufficient even to measure the brave sacrifice of the ones you loved and we so admire.

V didn ’t lose his life. He completed it. And we move on

V was a great son to his parents, a loving brother to his only sister, a quiet and helpful cousin/nephew and a darling to the community.

So short so fast sometimes thats the best way

This blog has no comments...this one is personal


I was introduced to the place called the pub by one of my chat buddies and lo behold I found it to be the Kop ground.

Awesoem layout. Must come here for Kop games.. drinks are pricy byt happy hour rates are nice

They also have a lounge (3rd pic) the band performs on top of the bar ... imagine that!!


Being invited to dinner is not small thing even if it family and you the only relative outside the immediate family lol

Food is food awesome layout me and jnr vadai ate till cant tahan

Check the layout

Things I did wiht Jnr Vadai during the holidays

Hair cut session..... Funfair park.......Painting dinasour hmmm gosh so nice

Another Tosai Making Session

I always endup making Tosai for my cousins and uncles hahaha wei dun play play good one leh