Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Opening a beer bottle with a lighter

If you drink beer, you need to learn this. If you drink beer and smoke, you should already know this: Opening a beer bottle with a lighter

Commie head up!!!!

Opening a beer bottle with a lighter

I may not have a lot to offer the world. I can't program computers very well, I can't give you fashion tips. My financial aptitude is roughly above a crackhead's. I do know one thing, however, and that is how to open a beer bottle with a lighter, or really anything I have lying around.

If you drink beer, you need to learn this. If you drink beer and smoke, you should already know this. I can't believe you don't. Goofus is wandering around his friend's house party, searching for a bottle opener. Goofus opens his beer of the side of a table his friend paid two hundred dollars for from ikea. Gallant is hanging out in the "chill" room, opening Goofus' girlfriend's beer with his Bic lighter.


1 bottle of beer. Doesn't really matter what kind, even if it's a twist-off. Longnecks are best.

1 Bic lighter. Bic is by far the best lighter you can ever own. Unless you get it stolen, it will last forever. There is no substitute. I am not a brand loyalist about many things, but this is critical. Buying cheap-o lighters at the gas station is never a good deal.

OK, let's start. (I'm going to assume you're right handed, since that's normal and not disgusting like left handed people. So if you're a lefty, obviously switch "right" with "left.")

Grab the beer by the neck with your left hand. The fleshy side of your index finger should be pushed up against the bottom of the bottle cap.

Forcethe lighter between your index finger and the bottle cap. Don't move the index finger to let it in, just force it in there, like you're trying to penetrate a midget virgin. Once it's in there, it should be able to stay on it's own.

Now, grab the lighter, and push inwards and upwards. your index finger is the fulcrum. If you find you don't have the strength, it's not that you're a weak pussy, although that's probably the case. It's because you're not doing it properly. It should hurt your index finger, just for a second, since you're using it as a fulcrum.

The best thing to do is practice. Call in sick to work for a few days, buy a few cases of beer. Keep snorting cocaine to keep from passing out. You'll get it eventually.

See me dun smoke so me dun know!!! but I got a fren who can do this.... Howzdat!!!!

1 comment:

~*~LostSoul~*~ said...

ish dat beemy?